Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
