My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
