i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
