I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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