Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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