Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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