four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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