Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
