Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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