if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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