My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
