It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
