Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
