apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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