I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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