I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
