I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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