I CAN MOONWALK!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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