im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
