saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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