I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
