Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
