Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
