Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
