i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
