he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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