so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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