I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
