his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
