i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
