halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
