we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
In other news, I just burned my penis
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
