let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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