i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
