This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
