She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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