I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
