Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
