there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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