are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
