I'd wear matching sweaters with you
literally had 100 drinks last night.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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