Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
