If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
