smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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