I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
