Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
