Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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