After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
