i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
