is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
