I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
