This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
