Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
