Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize