i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
