i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
