His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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