I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
