That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
