I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
