My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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