you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
