and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
