I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
