90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
