I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
