the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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