dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
