we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
