I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
