wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
